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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #worthless, #subject matter expert, #narrow field, #vague field

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Wally: "People think I'm worthless, but in fact I'm a subject-matter expert in a very narrow field." "It's so narrow that it requires no knowledge whatsoever." Dilbert: "What field is it?" Wally: "There's no way to know for sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #engineers, #lust, #pon farr cycle, #irreversible urge, #mating season, #engineer mating season, #spawn, #prodcut, #unnecessary steps, #rarely happens, #specifications, #vague

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Tina says, "Did you hear that Dilbert and Alice are on the same Pon Farr cycle?" Carol says, "What?" Tina says, "Every seven years, engineers have an irresistible urge to mate. Their spawn would be the product of two engineers." There's a reason it rarely happens Dilbert says, "Your plan has unnecessary steps!" Alice says, "Your specifications are vague!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineering issues, #enginner, #not a linquist, #vague requests, #faith in humanity

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Woman says, "Wally, can you review this for any engineering issues?" Wally says, "What issues do you think it has?" Woman says, "I don't know. I'm not an engineer." Wally says, "Your request is too vague. You need to tell me what issues I'm looking for!" Woman says, "Did you just ask me to do what I just asked you to do?" Wally says, "I don't know. I'm an engineer, not a linguist." Woman says, "I've suddenly lost all faith in humanity!" Wally says, "On the plus side, you found an issue."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #biology, #chemistry, #practical jokers, #biotech field, #giving free flu shots, #stem cells, #science

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Man: I learned the hard way that a lot of people who work in the biotech field are practical jokers. I thought my company was giving free flu shots. Stupid stem cells.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #vendor, #hardware, #field, #pony, #ask alice, #winners, #bad connection

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Boss: Dilbert, listen carefully. I need you to... vendor... hardware... immediately. Dilbert: What? We have a bad connection. Boss: Field... the... grep... pony... budget. Dilbert: What? What? Boss: I have another call. Just ask Alice. Alice: How would I know what he wants? Leave me alone. Dilbert: I wonder how winners feel. Wally: I don't know. They never let me touch them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #senior year, #college, #launch start ups, #lifelong learning, #technology certifictae, #relevant to field, #uneducated, #more experience then boss, #education

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Applicant: I skipped my senior year of college to launch my first of three start-ups. I believe in lifelong learning. I have every technology certification relevant to my field. Boss: He's uneducated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #huge fee, #non practicing entity, #patent troll, #patents, #playing field, #plunge civilization, #tangle innovation, #thwart compnies, #dark ages

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Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #woman, #monogamy, #field, #shuttle, #Dogbert, #rides, #uno, #love, #Advice

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm just a one-woman kind of guy." Dilbert continues, "Some guys like to play the field. Not me. I'm happy with just one woman." Dilbert continues, "Just one. Uno. That's best for me." Dogbert says, "You can take her for rides in the Space Shuttle you'll never have either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 1991's comic on:


Tags #discovered, #field, #landing, #strips, #alien, #crop, #circles, #Dilbert, #armchair, #television

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Alien: They have discovered our wheat field landing strips... We must scare them away. ...and don't go snooping around stonehenge either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #phone, #ring, #long, #distance, #company, #vague, #promises, #unverifiable, #savings, #switch, #inconvenient

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Dilbert walks toward a ringing phone. A voice on the telephone says, "Hello! This is a long-distance phone company with vague promises of unverifiable savings if you switch to us." The voice asks, "Is this an inconvenient time for you?" Dilbert replies, "No." The voice says, "Oh, then we'll call back later."