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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2014's comic on:


Tags #magician, #press agents, #pubilcity, #famous magician, #fired, #stayed in swear, #rats for month

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Dilbert: Your last job was doing publicity for a famous magician. Why did you leave. Interviewee: My boss fired me after the trick where he stayed in a sewer full of rats for a month. Dilbert: I didn't hear about that. Interviewee: I forgot to tell anyone it was happening.

Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers

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Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #lying, #swearing, #exaggeration, #deception, #accomplishment

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Wally: I achieved all of my milestones on my secret project this month. Boss: How do I know any of that is true? Wally: I swear on the lives of my coworkers. Boss: I'm getting a mixed message here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #fear, #rodents, #transcontinental journeys, #elbonia, #too cold, #airplanes, #operate, #underground route, #fly, #switzerland, #swear system, #sewerside mission, #warm jacket, #rat hammer

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The Boss says, "Asok, I need you to go to Elbonia. It's too cold for airplanes to operate there, so you'll need to use the underground route." The Boss says, "Fly into Switzerland and follow the sewer systems from there. Stick to the side of the sewer where it's dryer." Asok says, "It's a sewerside mission!" The Boss says, "You'll need a warm jacket and a rat hammer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert walks across a field holding a microphone. Dogbert thinks, "I never realized that being an 'ambush reporter' could be so much fun." Dogbert approaches a football player and asks, "Is it true you used steroids to gain your massive size?" The man says, "No! I swear! I just use this little AM radio. I don't even own a steroid system!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits in a chair. Dogbert says, "I've written the entire Encyclopaedia Brittanica on this hair." Dogbert continues, "I'll open a museum and charge people to see it." Dilbert says, "It's kind of hard to prove you wrote all that on a hair." Dogbert points to a hair says, "I'll swear on this Bible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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A police officer stands in Dilbert's door and says, "I have a report that you stayed up late playing with your computer . . ." The officer continues, "Instead of going to sleep like you're supposed to." Dilbert responds, "I wasn't tired." Dilbert stands with his arms and legs spread. The officer frisks Dilbert and says, "He was resisting a rest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert stands over an unconscious man. Another man yells, "Aaagh! You whacked Randy with your remote control airplane!!!" Dilbert says, "Oops!" The man continues to yell, "I'm warning you, frisbee people and airplane people don't mix . . . Like cattle and sheep . . . You'll pay for this!! I swear . . ." Another remote control plane hits the man in the head and knocks him out. Dilbert says, "Good one, Dogbert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Alice is dressed in a shirt, tie and pants. Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm protesting the company's dress code. I refuse to dress like a woman." Alice clenches her fist and continues forcefully, "High heels and pantyhose are designed to make women look like helpless little ornaments for the pleasure of male viewers!" Wally says, "I've never had pleasure viewing you. I swear." Alice says, "Thank you for your support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert is seated in front of a demonlike clerk. The clerk yells, "What are you trying to pull?? Do you think we're idiots in accounting?!!" Dilbert responds, "No, I swear, I think you're smart but sadistic trolls with many humanoid characteristics." Dilbert's hands and feet are bound and he is hanging upside down above a pit. He thinks to himself, "Apparently there was no right answer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Boss sits at his desk and says to Dilbert, "As you know, we're a sponsor for the Swedish women's swim team . . ." The Boss continues, "They're in town for a week, and all of the hotels are booked." The Boss asks, "Would you mind if they stayed at your house?" Dilbert looks surprised. The Boss hands Dilbert a check and says, "Naturally, we will pay all expenses and give you this $10,000 bonus." Dilbert looks at the check and thinks, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy." The Boss stands behind him holding a piece of string attached to the check. The Boss yanks the string and pulls the check out of Dilbert's hands. The Boss and two other people laugh at Dilbert. Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "The embarrassing part is that it came so soon after the Swedish women's luge team prank."