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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #scientific equipment, #data center, #lights out, #eliminate problems, #moving cables, #power cords, #ruining everything, #speakerphone, #humans are germs, #science

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Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #benefits of personhood, #chemical nutrients, #death & dying, #inventions, #petri dish, #robot, #scientific equipment, #skin cells, #sneezes, #science

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Wally: Before I die, I plan to put some of my skin cells in a petri dish with chemical nutrients and store it inside a robot. By law, I will still be alive as long as any part of my body is functioning. My robot will enjoy the full benefits of personhood. My robot and I will live forever! Dilbert: Until it sneezes you out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #astroid intercept missle, #fate of earth, #scientific equipment, #united nations, #science

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Boss: Good news! We were the low bidder for The United Nation's asteroid intercept missile. The fate of Earth depends on your combined talents plus my management skills. Wally, you're in charge of fissile material, which I assume is a type of soda.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #fishing, #water-ski, #brain, #equipment, #strength, #Sports

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Dilbert sits on the bank of a stream and casts a fishing pole into the water. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's just man against fish out here, my friend." Dilbert continues, "Although it's a bit of a mismatch, with my superior brain, equipment and strength." Dogbert stands on the bank and says, "Boy, all that and he can water-ski, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #adjourn, #scientific, #debunk, #edna, #chickens, #skeptics, #society, #Politics, #meeting

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A man stands at a podium and a witch sits next to him on the stage. Dilbert sits in the audience. The man says, "Welcome to another meeting of the 'Skeptics Society.'" The man continues, "Tonight we will use scientific methods to debunk Edna Griffin's claim that she can turn an audience into a flock of chickens. We'll need some volunteers . . ." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Motion to adjourn . . ." The man next to Dilbert looks at his watch and says, "Whoa, look at the time!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #scientific, #test, #women's institution, #Number, #5.`362894, #love, #numbers

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The caption says, "Dogbert performs a scientific test of so-called 'women's intuition.'" Dogbert and a woman sit at a table. Dogbert says, "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten." The woman says, "5.1362894 . . . No, I'll say three." Dogbert says, "Wrong! The answer is 5.1362894 . . . I'm beginning to wonder if you're really a woman."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #logical, #conclusion, #scientific, #method, #science, #based

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method." Dogbert replies, "But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called 'time' and 'cause and effect' exist." Dilbert says angrily, "That's what I was taught and that's what I believe." Dogbert replies, "Sounds cultish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #engineering, #careers, #cubicle, #restroom, #lower, #electromagnetic fields, #office, #equipment, #killing

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Dilbert says to a classroom of young students, "Engineering is one of the best careers available." Dilbert continues, "For the next twenty years I'll sit in a big box called a cubicle. It's like a restroom stall but with lower walls." Dilbert continues, "I spend most of my time hoping the electromagnetic fields from my office equipment aren't killing me." The children look horrified.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #algorithim, #higest salries, #overstatement, #reduce headcount, #scientific algorithm, #who goes

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"I've been asked to reduce headcount." "To be fair about it I created a scientific algorithm to decide who goes." "I thought you were firing the people with the highest salaries." "Okay, maybe 'algorithm' is an overstatement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bob in procurement, #approved equipment list, #approved list, #more work, #alleged test, #philosophy, #bob the dinosaur

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Wally is in Bob the Dinosaur's office. Bob says, "I'm afraid the equipment you want is not on the approved equipment list." Bob continues, "Let me think . . . if I add this to the approved list, that's more work for ME . . . but if I say no, it's more work for YOU . . . hmm . . . think, think . . ." Wally says, "I'd like to see this alleged list." Bob replies, "Well, it's not so much a physical list as it is a philosophy."