Search Results for "sacrifice yourself"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #executive body guard class, #pounce, #kidnapper, #sacrifice yourself, #inside help, #reimburse

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss approaches Carol at her desk and says, "Carol, I'm sending you to an executive bodyguard class." The Boss continues, "You'll learn how to pounce on a kidnapper and sacrifice yourself to keep me safe." Carol responds, "I'm taking a class called, 'inside help.'" The Boss says, "I can't reimburse for that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #surveillance, #security, #employee locator device, #smarthone, #questions, #text to yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #invite yourself, #meeting, #split donut, #ratbert at meeting, #no experience in marketing, #advised, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I didn't get the job in marketing. They say I have no experience." Dogbert responds, "Try inviting yourself to meetings. Nobody ever says no, and they're too timid to kick you out once you sit down." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert stands on the table next to a box of donuts and says, "Does anybody want to split a donut? I'll just take half and leave the rest."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 1991's comic on:


Tags #dog, #Dilbert, #donald trump, #ugly, #single, #male, #associated, #avoid, #eye, #contact, #horror, #maiden, #sacrifice, #drew, #straws, #marry

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "It is the most feared and hated creature on earth." The caption says, "Not a dinosaur." Bob the Dinosaur growls. The caption says, "Not a rabid dog." Dogbert asks, "Rabid?" The caption says, "Not Donald Trump." Donald Trump wears a tuxedo. The caption says, "It is the 'ugly single male.'" Dilbert holds his arms out. The caption says, "Other males fear being associated with him." Dilbert says, "Hi, guys!" Two men run away from him. The caption says, "Women avoid eye contact and flee in horror." Dilbert asks, "Anybody free for lunch?" One woman puts her head down and covers her face. Another runs away. The caption says, "Only a maiden sacrifice can end the horror." A woman tells Dilbert, "We drew straws; I have to marry you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #working, #encyclopedia, #sell, #large, #profits, #write, #yourself, #abridge, #pages, #condensed, #history, #knowledge

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at the desk typing. Dilbert asks, "What are you working on?" Dogbert replies, "I'm writing my own encyclopedia to sell for large profits." Dilbert asks, "How could you write an entire encyclopedia by yourself?" Dogbert replies, "It's abridged. I had to cut some corners to get it all in five pages." Dilbert says, "Five pages?! You condensed the history and knowledge of the world into five pages?!!" Dogbert replies, "Actually, it's mostly about me . . . The other stuff didn't seem important." Dogbert continues, "But I threw in some stuff about Canada to make it seem thorough." Dilbert reads, "'Canada has trees.'" Dogbert says, "I'll have to tighten that section a bit."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #upgrade software, #old software, #back up data, #delete it yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert talks on the phone at a computer. Dogbert says, "If you upgrade your software, all of your data will be lost." Dogbert says, "But if you don't upgrade, the old software will corrupt your data one bit at a time." Dogbert says, "And if you try to back up your data, our software will hunt you down and bit-slap you until you delete it yourself."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #help remind you, #what would dogbert do?, #bumper sticker, #wwdd, #sticker, #ratbert, #ask yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

Sitting on the arm of a chair Catbert says to Ratbert, "Always ask yourself, what would Dogbert doe?" Catbert says holding a sticker, "This bumper sticker will help remind you." Ratbert replies, "Gimme." Ratbert places the bumper sticker over his eyes and attempts to walk. Catbert says, "Umm...I wouldn't do that." Ratbrt replies, "You really should try it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #huge demand, #laugh at yourself, #employes

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss puts his hand on Ted's back and says, "Ted, there's a huege demand for employees like you." The Boss continues, "Not you specifically...which is funny if you think about it." The Boss calls after him as he walks away, "Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2001's comic on:


Tags #mismatch, #improve yourself, #my level, #gaining weight, #terrible haircut, #few teeth, #wear stained clothes, #tobacco

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and the woman from the gym are walking outside. The woman says, "We're such a mismatch that I doubt you'll ever improve yourself all the way to my level." She continues, "Maybe I could meet you in the middle by gaining thirty pounds and getting a terrible haircut." Dilbert and the woman sit on the bank of the river. She continues, "...Knock out a few teeth, wear stained clothes, chew tobacco..."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2001's comic on:


Tags #another cubicle, #office moving budget, #transfer to elbonia, #relocation budget, #budget is shot, #mail yourself home

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I want to move you to another cubicle but my office moving budget is shot." The Boss continues, "So I'm going to transfer you to Elbonia and then back so I can use the relocation budget." An Elbonian is on the phone. He relays a message to Dilbert: "He says the relocation budget is shot but you can mail yourself home."