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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #product is defective, #expect delivery, #quality s primary goal, #opposite of philosophy, #rich philosophers, #swiss bank

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Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #golf, #managers & supervisors, #rich people, #sense of passion, #feel different

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The Boss: The experts say Is house motivate you by displaying my own sense of passion and purpose. I love getting rich at your expense....and golfing!!! Do you feel and different? Dilbert: Yup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised

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CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #doomed social media, #entrpeneurs, #rich people, #venture capitalist, #startups, #hatred, #motivation

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Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 1999's comic on:


Tags #secret weapon, #lowered glass ceiling, #marry a rich guy

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The Boss approaches Tina and says, "...so Tina, you shouldn't have..." Tina thinks to herself, "I'm in trouble. Must use secret weapon." Tina begins to cry and scream, "WAAH!! WAAH!! Everybody hates me no matter what I do!!" Alice leans over her cubicle and says, "Thanks, that lowered the glass ceiling about a foot." Tina replies, "I plan to marry a rich guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #dollar of severence, #rich, #motivated by slogans, #elbonians, #mud pool, #standing in mud pool

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Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to the Elbonians, "I'm authorized give each of you one dollar of severance pay." The Elbonians exclaim, "We're rich!!!" Dilbert asks, "How much were we paying you?" An Elbonian replies, "Nothing. We were entirely motivated by slogans."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bankrupt, #401k money gone, #investing, #competitors stock, #wally rich, #investing in competition

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Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lazy rich, #new product, #rebate, #1 million, #banking on forgetting, #great bargain, #one person

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Dogbert: "Don't sell your new product for $29. Offer it at $1,000,029 with a rebate of $1,000,000." "People will think it's a great bargain when in fact it's just a huge inconvenience." The Boss: "And all we need is one person to forget to mail in the rebate forms." Dogbert: "We'll target the lazy rich."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #alice, #rich guy, #care about personality, #hugged too tight

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Alice gets downsized. Wally: "Maybe your next career could be marrying a rich guy." "There must be a guy out there who wouldn't care about your personality." "If she offers you a goodbye hug, don't take it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2004's comic on:


Tags #don't eat money, #false hope business, #lose weight, #get rich, #semi plausible

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Dogbert: I'm going into the false hope business. All I need is a semi plausible message about how to lose weight while getting rich." "Don't eat your money."