Search Results for "reproducing human josts"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #meeting called, #discuss issues, #assign tasks, #waste of time, #meetings, #become lifeform, #reproducing human josts

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Dilbert walks into a meeting and asks, "Who called this meeting?" The male coworker replies, "We thought you did." The coworker continues, "I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks so it's not a complete waste of time." Dilbert responds, "Maybe meetings have become a lifeform capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts." The male coworker turns to the female coworker and says, "Good issue." She replies, "Wow!"

Human Intelligence

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Human Intelligence  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #ai, #artificial intelligence, #humans, #arguing, #human nature, #intelligence, #deception

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Wally: I started by giving the device human intelligence. Then I added human emotions. Now it answers every question by accusing you of having a secret agenda. Boss: Just like people!

Wally's Device Has Human Emotions

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Wally's Device Has Human Emotions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #invention, #human, #humanity, #misanthrope

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Dilbert: Is it true that you invented a device with human intelligence and human emotions? Wally: Yes. I'd give you a demo, but the device is depressed and wants to be left alone. Dilbert: It looks like a block of wood. Wally: I'm only trying to copy the human mind. There's no reason to over-engineer it. Dilbert: I can respect that.

Phone Better Than Human

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 Phone Better Than Human  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #technology, #distraction, #human, #conversation

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Alan: Everything went wrong for me this week. I have problems... all kinds of problems. Dilbert: For the zillionth time in a row, my phone is more fun than talking to a human.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #contracts, #lawyers, #surgery, #software server, #too confusing, #normal human, #comprehension, #cost eefective, #involve atorneys, #deal so small

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Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way

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Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #collaboration tools, #human contact, #internet & world wide web, #judegment, #long term goal, #meetings, #suite of tools

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Wally: I'm designing a suite of internet collaboration tools. It's part of my long-term goal to eliminate all forms of direct human contact. Co-worker: That's messed up. Wally: You're exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery

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Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #quit, #work from home, #human contact, #testing email, #miss humans

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Dilbert walks into the conference room for a staff meeting. He thinks, "Maybe I should quit and work for myself from home." Dilbert sits down at the table and thinks, "I would miss all the human contact." Dilbert thinks, "Same as now." The Boss walks in and says, "I'm testing my e-mail. Did you get the 'e' I sent?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #boss prevents new job, #great job, #outrageous, #bad situation worse, #human resource promise

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Catbert: Evil H.R. Director: Dilbert sits in Catbert's office and waves his hands in the air as he says, "My boss is preventing me from transfering to a great job." Catbert says, "That's outrageous! There shouldn't be any great jobs at this company." Dilbert says, "Once again, you've made a bad situation worse." Catbert replies, "That's the human resources promise."