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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #hypocrisy, #respect, #succeed, #treat each other well, #video recording, #google glasses, #recording confidential info, #fired, #insulting, #final check, #name calling, #ironic

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CEO: We only succeed when we treat each other with respect. Are you video-recording me with those Google glasses? Dilbert: Huh? CEO: You're fired for recording a confidential meeting! Pack your bags, you worthless piece of garbage! I got your final check right here! Dilbert: These are my regular glasses. Having cleared that up, you were saying something about respect? CEO: Settle down, four-eyes. This isn't over.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #confidential questionnaire, #management class, #style of management, #instructor sees, #trusts me, #sneaked a look, #at answers, #ratings

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"I filled out the confidential questionnaire about your style of management." "I hope it's useful for that management class you're taking. Only your instructor sees those, right?" "Right." "I think I played that about right." "Ooh, good marks! And it says he trusts me too!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #confidential, #ethics offcie, #weasel boy, #ethics expert

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The Boss: "The company hired an ethics expert to help us through the gray areas." "Your calls to the ethics office are completely confidential." Dogbert: "Thanks for sharing that. I own you now, Weasel-boy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2004's comic on:


Tags #selling confidential data base, #customer information, #profitable, #virtually untectable, #highly unethical, #modern times, #facebook, #commercial, #branding

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The Boss: Did you ever think about selling our confidential data-base of customer information? It would be massively profitable while virtually undetectable, Catbert: But highly unethical. The boss: I don't know you any more. Catbert: Im yanking your chain . when do we start?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2005's comic on:


Tags #nick name, #illusion of competence, #the wizard, #info guru, #punch more, #break room, #coffee

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Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #dig grave, #shovel, #death

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The Boss says, "I need you to work on a highly confidential project." The Boss says, "When you're done, I want you to dig your own shallow grave and beat yourself to death with the shovel." Dilbert says, "Why does it feel as if my entire career has been preparation for this project?" The Boss says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #idiot, #question, #placebo

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Dilbert says, "I need answers to these questions for a confidential project. I can't tell you more." Coworker says, "I'm a complete idiot and even I can deduce from your questions what the project must be." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, so some of you idiots are getting placebo questions." Coworker says, "Well played."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #budget, #engineers, #came prepared, #audio clips, #recording of voice

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Dilbert is meeting with Tina. He reads a piece of paper and says, "Your budget is wrong. You forgot maintenance." Tina exclaims, "Why do you engineers always think you're right?!" Dilbert reaches for a device and says, "I anticipated your reaction and I came prepared." Dilbert holds the device in front of Tina's face and says, "Here's a list of every disagreement we've had." Dilbert taps on the device and says, "And here are the audio clips of the outcomes in your own voice." The device plays back a recording of Tina's voice, "You're right, Dilbert.. You're right... I guess you're right.. I'm wrong.. You're right... You're right." Tina reaches out her hand and says, "Let me see that for a second." Tina jumps on top of the table and smashes the device into pieces. She exhales, "Oo! Oo! Oo!" Dilbert thinks, "To an engineer, everyone looks like a chimp."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #budget for research and development, #confidential, #witty, #appreciation, #laugh, #teeth fall out

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Alice: "Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" Ted: "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" Alice: "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." Alice: "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Alice: "Those are my real teeth. I need them back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #stop level meeting, #confidentail, #retribution, #every day retribution

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Boss: Your annual skip-level meeting with my boss is next week. Everything you say about me is confidential. But just to be on the safe side, I scheduled my retribution for every day of the following year.