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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #power point slide, #white space, #one page, #one bullet point, #long one, #meeting, #presentation

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Wally says, "As requested, I fit my presentation on one PowerPoint slide." Wally says, "I had to use all of the white space, but I think it was worth it to fit everything on one page." Wally says, "It's actually only one bullet point, but it's a long one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #confusing, #multiple pages, #public speaking, #real words, #small text, #unpersuasive, #computer, #desk, #no one can read

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Dilbert: Do you want me to put the chart on one page, which would make the text too small for you to see? Or do you prefer a multiple-page approach that is confusing and unpersuasive? Boss: It's probably better if no one can read it. Dilbert: I won't bother using real words.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1992's comic on:


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A television talk show host says into the microphone, "My guest for today's show is Dogbert, author of the one-page book, 'Unmarried Men are Scum.'" The host says to Dogbert, "Your theory is that all unmarried men should be jailed for life, thus ending most crime." Dogbert replies, "Exactly." The host asks, "What if they try to beat the system by getting married?" Dogbert replies, "Serves 'em right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1996's comic on:


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The panel is titled, "Mysteries Revealed." Dogbert asks, "How do ceiling tiles get damaged?" The caption says, "It begins with a lowly engineer who makes a technology decision." Dilbert sits at his desk humming. The caption says, "The engineer writes up his recommendation." Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Ten pages." The caption says, "The Boss summarizes it for the executive director." The Boss hands the director a document and says, "One-page summary." The caption says, "The executive director summarizes it for the vice president." The executive puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "Three bullet points . . ." The caption says, "The VP summarizes it for the president." The VP says, "Nice necktie." The president replies, "Thanks. Have some stock options." The caption says, "The president sees a CNN report and makes a technology decision." The president sits in a chair watching television with his feet resting on the VP's back. A newscaster says, "Interactive holographs are hot!" The president says, "Get me some of that!" The caption says, "The engineer is assigned to justify the president's technology decision." Dilbert's feet hang from the ceiling and he says, "Ouch." The Boss thinks, "He took that well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1997's comic on:


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Dilbert arrives at home and says to Dogbert, "You're probably wondering how my day was." Dogbert sits on the couch reading a magazine. Dilbert says, "It was terrible . . . Until I did THIS!" Dilbert holds up a diagram. Dilbert sits down and explains, "It all started when I deluded muself into thinking my opinions mattered." Dilbert continues, "I sprang into action like a cheetah on a trampoline!" Dilbert gets up and demonstrates. Dilbert continues, "I drew lines and boxes and arrows for hours. It was pure adrenaline." Dilbert shouts, "Suddenly, trouble struck! It wouldn't fit on one page!!" Dilbert continues, "So I shrunk everything until it was totally unreadable. And it fit!!" Dilbert concludes, "The moral of the story is that you don't have to feel bad just because you're totally worthless." Dogbert says, "I'd mock you but the challenge is gone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2000's comic on:


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The Boss asks Dilbert: "Can you turn your one-page report into a two-page executive summary?" Dilbert answers: "I was planning to spend the day snapping myself with the elastic band on my underwear." He continues: "But your idea is good, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2003's comic on:


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The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Can you summarize this on one page for our CEO?" Dilbert responds, "Yes, but it will obliterate the persuasiveness of the document and cost us billions in lost opportunity." The Boss responds, "I see your point, but being wordy is bad, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #work ethic, #lawyer, #60 page contract, #amendements, #900 contracts, #tax law, #17 managers, #good leaders, #standards

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Boss: Our lawyer sent over a sixty-page contract renewal that I need you to review. Make sure you compare it to the original contract and all six or seven amendments. Dilbert: Are there six or... seven? Boss: No one really knows. Check out our other nine hundred contracts to make sure this one doesn't violate any of those. Keep in mind our five-year strategic plan and all likely changes to tax law. Then get buy-in from the seventeen managers who hate my guts and will take it out on you. By tomorrow. Good leaders set high standards.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #fraternization, #friends with ghots, #ghandi, #ghost personal page, #ghosts, #heaven, #internet & world wide web, #llincoln, #satellite pictures, #social media, #social network

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Dogbert: Our new product will be a social network for people who want to be friends with ghosts. We'll post satellite pictures on each ghost's personal page and say the photos were taken from heaven. Man: Abraham Lincoln posted new pictures. Woman: I'm chatting with Gandhi! Later.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #administrative agencies, #project timeline, #waste one week, #set up meeting, #available in a week

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.