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Incompetent Employee Budget Only

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Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

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Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

Dilbert Is Under Budget

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Dilbert Is Under Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #project, #budget, #money, #stealing, #embezzlement, #consequences

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Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes

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Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #executives, #work ethic, #enginner, #no budget, #emailed, #ceo, #social network, #global supply chain

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Dilbert: So... you emailed our CEO and asked for funds to build a social network for our global supply chain. Dilbert: No one wants that, But it sounds good, so he moved all of our project funding to your dumb idea. and...you will produce nothing, Wally: said the engineer with no budget.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #service business, #unmotivated sales guy, #slides are blank, #compelling reason, #no commission work, #budget issues

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Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #big business, #budget, #contract employees, #training budget, #training, #contractor budget

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Boss: Out budget for contact employees was eliminated. We'll have to pay you out of the training budget. So instead of doing the job yourself... you'll have to train Dilbert to do the job we're paying you to do. Dilbert: Why don't you just move some of the training budget to the contractor budget? Boss: If we reduce the training budget this year, we'll get less next year. Dilbert: So... you prefer paying two people to do the job of one? Boss: Right. Consultant: How do you stay in business? Boss: Our customers are even dumber than us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #money, #budget, #last year objectives, #huge loss, #bottomline, #punish siuccess, #startegy, #management

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Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1990's comic on:


Tags #bradley, #Dilbert, #valid, #analyst, #witch, #finances, #accounting, #budget report

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Witch: So... You've come to the accounting department for an explanation of the budget report, aye? Unchain him, Bradley. Normally we would torture and kill you for questioning our report. Dilbert: But you realized that my questions are valid? Witch: No. I'm promoting Bradley. You're my new analyst.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #reflect, #create, #erasing, #accounting, #budget, #bradley, #troll, #witch, #budget report

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The caption says, "Dilbert is forced to work in the accounting department." Dilbert has turned into a troll. Bradley the Troll says, "First you must understand how numbers change reality . . ." Bradley continues, "Some people think numbers merely REFLECT reality . . . But we believe that numbers CREATE reality." Bradley shows Dilbert a room where an overseer cracks a whip at several other trolls. Bradley says, "This our budget-erasing room . . ." The supervisor yells, "Erase faster!!"