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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #meetings, #creative ideas, #next prodcut, #ignorance on public disply, #cost money, #increase risk, #evaluate each idea, #disdain, #good idea

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Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #gadgets, #competitor, #out of business, #next prodcut, #predictable mediocrity, #genius

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Boss: Good news! Our biggest competitor just went out of business! There was so much anticipation for their next product that no one bought the current one and they ran out of money. Alice: Our strategy of predictable mediocrity paid off again. Boss: It's okay to call it genius.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview

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Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #quarreling, #mastered art, #being useless, #next level, #toxic, #toxic people, #complain, #personal problems

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Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #hardware, #internet & world wide web, #next week balancing, #traffic loads, #network, #worst wingman, #shame

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Wally: Is it okay if I spend the next week balancing traffic loads on our newtork? Asok: I thought I told you that our hardware vendor already did that. Wally: Worst wingman ever. Asok: Shame is my name!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #next is lie, #personnel officers, #planning layoffs, #questioning, #repeat question, #communication styles, #pattern of talking

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Dilbert: Are you planning layoffs? Boss: Am I planning layoffs? Dilbert: When you repeat my question it means the next thing you say will be a lie. Go. Boss: I love your stinkin' guts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #office workers, #planning, #assignments, #entre schedule, #next assignment

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Wally: I spent all of last week planning how to get everything done this week. Boss: Add one more thing. Wally: Okay, but I'll need to replan my entire schedule. Boss: How long will that take? Wally: Until you give me the next assignment.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #forgiveness, #seek permission, #personal risk, #next reorganization, #sound stupid, #ask permission

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Wally: "I say it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission." TED : "I say it's better to seek permission, thus delaying your personal risk until it all becomes moot in the next reorganization." Wally: "That makes mine sound kinda stupid." TED: "Get over it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dilbert date, #asks lunch date, #cheryl, #full of lunch, #rejection, #next week, #turned down, #lame excuse, #office, #co worker

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Dilbert: Hi Cheryl. would you like to have lunch with me next week? Cheryl: I..uh...already ate lunch. Im not hungry. Dilbert: Im talking about next week!! Cheryl: I don't think I can have another bite, all full.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #video conference, #desktop, #telecommuting, #level of professionalism, #share document, #next time

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"This desktop video conference thing is great!" "Even though you're telecommuting, you still maintain a level of professionalism." "Let's share a document next time."