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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #negotiations, #legal liabilities, #revenue, #patents, #public credit, #dig swimming pool, #use spoon

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Negotiations Dilbert: so far we've agreed that my company will take all the expenses and legal liabilities. Dilbert: your company will take all of the revenue, patents and public credit. But where it says I"ll dig you a swimming pool with my bare hands I will not do that. You win! You can use a spoon!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #elbonian, #factory, #million dollars, #competition, #office, #rebel attack

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Dilbert: Rebels have threatened to attack our Elbonian factory unless we give them a million dollars. The Boss: "That's outrageous! Tell them their competition offered to not attack us for half that price." Negotiations begin Elbonian: "That wouldn't even cover our costs of not attacking!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #rebel negotiation, #table, #room water, #pool, #senior discount, #observational humour, #high price

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Rebel negotiations Dilbert: "Your price to not attack our Elbonian factory is too high." Elbonian: "We can give you the senior citizen discount." *snort* Dilbert: "That's just mean." Elbonian: "Sorry. I'll switch to more observational humor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #web traffic, #blatant honesty, #money, #negotiations, #various things, #vague stuff, #vagueness

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Social media expert Consultant: If you give me lots of money, I will do various vague things to increase your web traffic. Boss: Wow! I would have been happy with just various things, but that vague stuff sounds great too! Dilbert: And now he's my responsibility? Boss: Don't screw up his vagueness plan because I think it can work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #negotiations, #unfair, #greed, #money

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Dogbert the CEO man says, "The union will agree to deep cuts if you agree to work for one dollar per year." Dogbert says, "I agree, as long as I get my pay in advance and the mandatory retirement age is waived." Man says, "Fine." Dogbert says, "Call payroll and tell them to cut a check for my next ten billion years of service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #negotiations, #meeting, #capitalism, #disagreeing, #distrust

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Dilbert says, "If we lease a machine from you, how can we be sure you'll stay in business to service it?" Man says, "How can we be sure you'll have enough money to pay the lease?" Dilbert says, "You could check our financials." Man says, "I'm pretty sure your financials are as fraudulant as ours." Dilbert says, "Good point. Maybe we could ask trusted third parties to vouch for us." Dilbert says, "Do you trust any third parties?" Man says, "Not since my financial advisor put my retirement savings in a ponzi scheme and had an affair with my wife." And thus ended capitalism Dilbert says, "Well, we tried." Man says, "Maybe I could grow food in my car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #negotiating, #flexible, #loser, #good sport, #good loser

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Alice: Thanks for being flexible in these negotiations. You're a good sport. And by good sport, I mean good loser. ANd by good loser, I mean loser. Man: Some people call it generous.

Anchor Price For Negotiations

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Anchor Price For Negotiations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #haggling, #negotiating, #negotiation, #research, #value, #worth, #anchor price

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Salesman: I'll start our negotiation by setting the anchor price at... Dilbert: Five dollars. Salesman: Um, I was going to say $27,500, but you beat me to the anchor, and now I can't help thinking the fair price is closer to $5. How does an engineer know more about the intricacies of my job than I do? Dilbert: I had five minutes and a browser.

Dilbert Knows How To Negotiate

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Dilbert Knows How To Negotiate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deadlines, #delivery, #management, #negotiating, #negotiation, #reorganization

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Negotiations Continue. Salesman: I can't meet your delivery deadline unless you agree to my price today. Dilbert: If you don't agree to my price today, management is likely to do a reorg soon and change its mind about this project. Salesman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It hasn't happened since breakfast, so we're overdue.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

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Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #money, #negotiate, #negotiations, #racket, #guest artist, #josh shipley

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Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.