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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way, #business

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Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2004's comic on:


Tags #opyomotrist, #nears sighted visonaries, #nerve expect worst, #charge price

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I've decided to become an optometrist for near-sighted visionaries. "They're ideal customers because they never expect the worst." "Which price am I most likely to charge you?" "The low one!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #internal job postings, #experience required, #eric, #potbellied, #near sighted, #red ford bronco

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Dilbert looks over Alice's shoulder at her monitor. Alice points to the screen and says, "The internal job postings are out. Here's a job I'd love." Alice reads, "Experience required: the candidate must be a guy named Eric, pot-bellied, nearsighted, must drive a red Ford Bronco." Dilbert says, "They might have someone in mind already." Alice says, "If I squint . . . and leave my 'control top' pantyhose at home . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #internet & world wide web, #black hat, #websites ranking, #search engine, #unethical, #near certainty, #loserish, #talking

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Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #lying, #optimism, #projections, #realistic, #optimistic, #near death, #hallucination, #luci dream

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Boss: Are your projections realistic or optimistic? Dilbert: They're halfway between a lucid dream and a near-death hallucination. Boss: I'll call them "most likely."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #paper, #plastic, #bag, #recylced, #short, #sighted, #planet, #destroying, #conservation

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Dilbert stands at the supermarket register. The clerk asks, "Paper or plastic bag?" The checker continues, "Paper that can be recycled . . . Or an evil, selfish, short-sighted, planet-destroying, stupid plastic bag?!!" Dilbert answers, "Plastic." The checker says, "Good. That's all we have."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #showing, #aversion, #near, #armchair, #flee, #missing, #sock

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I've always wondered why your tie curls up like that." Dogbert continues, "My theory is that the tie is simply showing a natural aversion to being near you." Dogbert continues, "Have you noticed any of your other clothes trying to flee?" Dilbert responds, "I'm missing a sock . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #fiance dept, #reduce costs, #short sighted ways, #save money, #job harder, #forget

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Ratbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I'm from the finance department. I'm here to reduce costs." Ratbert continues, "It might seem like all I do is come up with short-sighted ways to save money while making your job harder. But there's another side to this story." Wally asks, "And that would be . . . ?" Ratbert answers, "I forget."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #rumor, #south dakota, #ceo, #grew up, #near parents, #baby sitting, #most cycnical, #blushing

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Dilbert and Dogbert go for a walk. Dilbert says, "There's a rumor that my company will move to South Dakota, but I don't believe it." Dogbert stands on a rock and says, "South Dakota... isn't that where your CEO grew up? Maybe he wants to be near his parents to get free baby-sitting." Dilbert checks the mailbox. Dilbert holds a letter and says, "That's the most cynical thought I've ever heard in my life." Dogbert says, "Thanks, I'm blushing under my fur."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #launch sequence, #lift off, #cubicle in space, #near moon

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Dogbert and Dilbert are strapped down in Dilbert's cubicle. Dogbert says, "Initiate launch sequence." The cubicle takes off revealing rocket boosters underneath it. Dogbert says, "We have liftoff." The cubicle floats near the surface of the moon. Dilbert says. "I keep waiting for this to seem like a bad idea."