Search Results for "methods"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dorgy, #capitalism, #communism, #rich, #popular methods

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Dogbert: You see, Dorgy, under our capitalist system anybody can become rich. Dogbert: Inheritance and crime are the most popular methods. Dorgy: Which is preferred method? Dogbert: It's best to have your parents do the crime and let you inherit it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #innovative design firm, #observe methods, #steal from them, #secret, #hiring smart people, #involves easles

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "We've hired the world's most innovative design firm." The Boss continues, "We'll observe their successful methods and steal them for our own. Heh Heh Heh." Dilbert turns to The Boss and says, "Maybe their secret is hiring smart people." The Boss responds, "I'm hoping it involves easels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2003's comic on:


Tags #office relocation, #studied boss, #learned methods, #corner you, #scream about bright light

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"I am in charge of the office relocation project, also known as O.R.P." "I have never managed anything, but I have studied our boss to learn his methods." "Let's see.. step one, I corner you. Step two, I talk until you scream about seeing a bright light."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #programmers, #agile programming, #methods, #more work, #fewer people

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We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2006's comic on:


Tags #asok, #survival methods, #indian institutet of technology, #wounded rodent, #tickle hawk, #find highway

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I must use the survival methods I learned at the Indian Institute of Technology. "Step one: Pretend to be a wounded rodent." "Now look for the highway and tickle the hawk with its own feather."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #staff meeting, #posting, #six sigma methods, #eliminate gap, #waste of time

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The Boss: Carol, schedule a staff meeting. Carol: What's the topic?" The Boss: I plan to fuse Six Sigma with lean methods to eliminate the gap between our strategy and our objectives. Carol: I'll just say 'Waste of time'.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2014's comic on:


Tags #anger, #competition (psychology), #employees, #difficult coworkers, #methods against me, #need to know, #counter neasures, #learn tricks, #business

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Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #managers & supervisors, #ventriloquism, #finishing projects, #early, #powerpoint, #presentation, #executive retreat, #dead boss hand puppet, #business

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Man says, "The engineering department is finishing all of their projects early and we don't know why." CEO says, "Tell them to do a powerpoint presentation at the next executive retreat to share their methods." Asok says, "Now it's my turn to use the dead boss hand puppet!" Alice says, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #internet & world wide web, #black hat, #websites ranking, #search engine, #unethical, #near certainty, #loserish, #talking

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Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #adjourn, #scientific, #debunk, #edna, #chickens, #skeptics, #society, #Politics, #meeting

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A man stands at a podium and a witch sits next to him on the stage. Dilbert sits in the audience. The man says, "Welcome to another meeting of the 'Skeptics Society.'" The man continues, "Tonight we will use scientific methods to debunk Edna Griffin's claim that she can turn an audience into a flock of chickens. We'll need some volunteers . . ." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Motion to adjourn . . ." The man next to Dilbert looks at his watch and says, "Whoa, look at the time!"