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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #renew, #dog, #license, #written, #test

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Let's go . . . It's time to renew your dog license." Dilbert and Dogbert enter the Department of Dogs. Dogbert looks at an exam and thinks, "I wonder what happens if I fail the written test?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #portion, #dog, #license, #test, #natural, #enemies

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A man behind a counter at the Department of Dogs says to Dogbert, "I'm sorry, but it seems you've failed the written portion of the dog license test." Dogbert replies, "Impossible!" The clerk says, "For example, this question on 'natural enemies': the correct answer is 'mailman.' You wrote in 'fax machine.'" Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How'd it go?" Dogbert replies, "The 'Department of Dogs' does not keep up with emerging trends."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1992's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #accomplish, #performance, #worthless, #generate, #license

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Tell me what you've accomplished this year so I can write your performance appraisal." Dilbert answers, "The inventions I made last year - that you thought were worthless, will generate twelve million in license fees next year!" The Boss asks, "So, no real accomplishments THIS year?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #job pays, #headhunter, #move, #cold place, #drivers license, #look up gender, #phone call, #man, #inquiring about job

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Dogbert the headhunter Dogbert: The job pays a hundred thousand. But you'll have to move to a place thats so cold that mercury freezes. Man: I'll take it. How bad could it be? Dogbert: Keep your drivers license on you is you can look up your gender if you forget

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dysfunctional team, #learned in workshop, #listen, #heart felt, #respect, #ham radio license, #going first

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Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "I'd like each of you to tell the team what you learned in my workshop." Alice says, "I learned to listen with my heart. I gained respect for others. I understand Sanskrit. I got my ham radio license. I can divide by zero . . ." As the Boss looks shocked, Alice thinks to herself, "I love going first."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #software emoire, #net wealth, #twenty billion., #popular opinion, #sunset, #license digital rights

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Dilbert and Dogbert are taking a walk outside. Dogbert says, "Thanks to my software empire, my net worth is twenty billion dollars." Dogbert sits on a log and says, "Contrary to popular opinion, it does seem to make me happy." Dilbert responds, "Money can't buy a sunset, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "No, but I was able to license the digital rights."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #shrink wrap license, #new software, #bill gates, #new mansion, #towel boy

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #software license, #rumble, #prepare for assimilation

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #parent, #license, #parents, #old, #system, #parts, #brain, #garbanzo, #developed, #written, #test, #weed, #major, #bozos, #baby, #cries, #boss, #poor, #grades, #tutor, #discipline

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A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #alice, #drivers license, #ed les mann, #edward mann, #headless man, #name, #new hire, #office

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Wally and Alice stand with the headless man. Alice looks at his wallet. Alice says, "According to his driver's license, the new guy's name is Edward Mann." Wally says, "Is his middle name Lester?" Alice says, "How did you know that?" Wally says, "What we have here is an Ed Les Mann."