Search Results for "knowledge of engineering"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1999's comic on:


Tags #quick question, #innocent work realted, #question, #try to impress, #knowledge of engineering, #pathetic hope, #value, #intelligence, #physical appearence, #red bmw, #lights on

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert peeks into a women's cube. Dilbert says, "Can I ask you a question?" She says, "I doubt it." She says, "Oh, sure it'll start as an innocent work-realted question." She says, "Then you'll try to impress me with your knowledge of engineering..." She says, "... in the pathetic hope that I value intelligence over physical appearance." She stands up and says, "Well, I don't!! I only care about looks!" Dilbert says, "Do you drive a red BMW? The lights are on." Dilbert sits in a robe on the couch. Dogbert says, "And you still tried to ask her out?" Dilbert says, "She's hard to read."

Engineering

Thank you for voting.
Engineering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #hiring, #negativity, #personality tests, #resumes, #special algorithms, #personality, #stupidity, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: No one looks at resumes anymore. Now we use special algorithms to see where your personality fits in our culture. Man: That process sounds like a steaming pile of stupidity that will beat itself to death in a few years. Catbert: I'll start you in engineering. You'll fit right in.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #prejudice, #universities & colleges, #updating employee profiles, #school. indian institute of technology, #double major, #engineering, #false humility, #combined thesis, #terraformed planet

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "Hey, Asok. I'm updating our employee profiles. Where'd you go to school?" Asok says, "I graduated from the Indian Institute of Technology in Lucknow with a double major in engineering and physics, and a minor in false humility." Asok says, "For my combined thesis I terraformed a planet in another dimension and didn't tell anyone." Carol says, "I'll put 'Indian.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineering issues, #enginner, #not a linquist, #vague requests, #faith in humanity

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "Wally, can you review this for any engineering issues?" Wally says, "What issues do you think it has?" Woman says, "I don't know. I'm not an engineer." Wally says, "Your request is too vague. You need to tell me what issues I'm looking for!" Woman says, "Did you just ask me to do what I just asked you to do?" Wally says, "I don't know. I'm an engineer, not a linguist." Woman says, "I've suddenly lost all faith in humanity!" Wally says, "On the plus side, you found an issue."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #writing, #writing systems, #press relese, #vp of engineering, #personal resons, #speculate, #bieber fever, #write fiction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, all I wanted you to say in the press release is that our VP of engineering is leaving for personal reasons. You didn't need to speculate on the reasons. Let's lost the part about "Bieber Fever." Tina: Everyone thinks it's easy to write fiction.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #customer survey data, #marketing, #design, #engineering secret

View Transcript

Transcript

The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #announcements, #meetings, #communicate, #other departments, #criticize, #war on knowledge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to communicate less with other departments. The more they know about us, the more they criticize what we do. Dilbert: Is this part of your larger war on knowledge? Boss: That was the last thing I'll ever tell you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #credit, #forbidden knowledge, #change to dotted lines, #made of ink

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Change all of the lines to dotted. We're not made of ink. Dilbert: Why'd I just get chills? Boss: Me too. It feels like some sort of forbidden knowledge.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #retail business, #sales trip, #dont talk, #misleading impression, #engineering support, #after sale, #bag of meat, #lying bag of meat

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.