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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool

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Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #hold press conference, #introduce cold fusion, #breakthrough, #lightbulb, #wires plugged, #low opinion, #jar with frosted glass, #overkill

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Dogbert says, "I'm ready to hold a press conference to introduce my cold fusion breakthrough." Dilbert says, "All you did is put a lightbulb in a jar. I can see the wires plugged into the outlet." Dilbert says, "You have a low opinion of people." Dogbert says, "I considered using a jar with frosted glass, but it seemed like overkill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #created cold fusion, #jar with light bulb, #more news, #camera guy

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Press Conference Dogbert says, "As you can clearly see, I have created cold fusion." Man says, "That's not cold fusion. It's just a jar with a lightbulb." Dogbert says, "Here's some more news: No one cares what the camera guy thinks." Woman says, "It's free energy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #scan, #document, #ask, #favor, #important, #scanner malfunction, #hope, #empty candy jar, #hopeless

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Dilbert says, "Can you scan this document for me?" Carol says, "Is it important?" Carol says, "If it isn't important, you shouldn't bother me. If it is, the scanner will malfunction." Dilbert says, "Is there no room for hope?" Carol says, "I keep mine in this empty candy jar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ask the intern, #died, #moon shuttle, #sample of dna, #jar, #reincarnate to clone, #jar missing, #needed for candy

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The Boss: "I am sad to report that Asok the intern died during a test of our moon shuttle prototype." "Before he left, he put a sample of his DNA in a jar. His plan is to reincarnate into his own clone." "Where's the jar with Asok's DNA?" Carol: "I needed a second candy jar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #prototype, #killed asok, #clone, #reincarnate, #snack jar, #snicker, #feel nuts

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"Your prototype killed Asok. That means it is your job to clone him and hope he reincarnates into the clone." "Carol used his DNA container for a snack jar, so be careful." "Why do I feel nuts?" "You're part snickers bar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert and Ratbert stand outdoors. Dogbert shows Ratbert a can of peanut butter and says, "It's a miracle, Ratbert. The image of Saint Ted appeared in my jar of peanut butter!" Ratbert asks, "Saint Ted? Who ever heard of Saint Ted? Couldn't you get Saint Theresa?" Dogbert replies, "She was booked to a can of varnish in Upstate New York." Ratbert says, "Saint Ted looks like a 'happy face.'"

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A newsreporter stands on the lawn in front of Dilbert's house. She says, "People have traveled from all over to see the miracle of the peanut butter." Behind the reporter, people with outstretched arms walk toward the house. Dogbert stands on top of the refrigerator collecting money. Dogbert says, "Step right up . . . Just ten bucks to see the face of Saint Ted appearing in my jar of peanut butter." A man opens the fridge and says, "Ooh! And I see Elvis in the Jello!" Another man says, "Only the King moves like that!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"This year, instead of raises we're giving appliances." "What?!" "High performers could get a color television or a new 'fridge." "He called it a 'lava lamp'." "I call it a jar of old mayonnaise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert stands at the counter wearing an apron. He reads a recipe and thinks, "Add one jar of spaghetti sauce . . ." Dilbert struggles with the lid on the can. Dilbert lies on the counter trying to open the jar. Dogbert says, "Let me try to humiliate you by opening it easily." Dogbert struggles with the lid and thinks, "This definitely would have worked in 'Family Circus.'" Dogbert walks down the hall and says, "I'll see if Bob can open it." Dogbert hands the jar to Bob the Dinosaur. Bob says, "No problem for a mighty dinosaur." Bob smashes the lid against his forehead. Dilbert scrapes the sauce off Bob's forehead and into the bowl. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Will you STOP humming 'My Way.'"