Search Results for "industry"
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Character
Friday July 08,
2011
Tags #deterioration, #recessions, #20%, #competitive, #industry, #involve crime
Transcript
Boss: Our goal is to grow the top line by 20%. Dilbert: How will we do that with products that aren't competitive in an industry that isn't growing? Wally: Does it involve crime? Dilbert: If it does, blink once.
Thursday October 06,
2011
Tags #computers & peripherals, #gadgets, #hardware, #robotic arms, #hold coffee cups, #industry changing products
Transcript
Wally: One percent of engineers create all of the industry - changing products. I propose replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups. You won't see any of the laggards in the 99% come up with great ideas like this one.
Friday January 20,
2012
Tags #prosperity, #saving & investment, #portfolio, #standard industry, #investing, #billion dollars, #index funds
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.
Friday October 07,
1994
Tags #never managed, #marketing people, #do marketing things, #segments, #focus groups, #segmenting, #dominate industry, #motivated
Transcript
The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."
Monday May 22,
1995
Tags #policy, #employ best, #technical professionals, #industry average, #bright, #clueless, #feel sorry
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our policy is to employ only the BEST technical professionals." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." Dilbert asks, "Isn't it also our policy to base salaries on the 'industry AVERAGE?'" The Boss answers, "Right. We like them bright but clueless." Wally says, "I feel sorry for people like that."
Monday January 15,
1996
Tags #entire pc industry, #graphic metaphors, #microsoft logo, #pronounce differently, #dogbert 2000
Transcript
Dilbert stands on a book on a chair and works at a computer. He tells Dilbert, "I call my new operating system the 'Dogbert 2000.'" Dogbert continues, "Soon I will dominate the entire PC industry! Heh-heh . . ." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "It looks like 'Windows 95.'" Dogbert replies, "I use some of the same graphic metaphors, but I pronounce them differently." Dilbert asks, "How do you pronounce the 'Microsoft' logo?"
Thursday April 04,
1996
Tags #cronies, #dumpsetr, #flies, #hire a rat, #need experience, #proctor and gamble, #technology industry, #vice president
Transcript
Ratbert sits across from a man's desk. The man says, "Mister Ratbert, I don't think I can hire a rat to be our vice president of marketing. You need experience in the technology industry." Ratbert responds, "I spent a week in a dumpster at Procter and Gamble." The man says, "Close enough! Welcome to the team!" Ratbert says, "I'll bring some cronies with me. They're flies."
Monday April 28,
1997
Tags #wally report, #weekly stats upadte, #industry average, #income, #supply cabinet unlocked
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "It's time now for the Wally Report, a weekly status update." Wally continues, "My income is 80 percent of industry average, enthusiasm is at 63 percent of capacity and my ego shield is holding at 15 percent." Dilbert says, "Your enthusiasm is up from last week." Wally says, "Someone left the supply cabinet unlocked!"
Saturday May 10,
1997
Tags #industry survey, #our industry, #hugh technology, #textile workers, #teen agersm dead people
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We did an industry survey to see how your salaries compared to the average." The Boss continues, "We didn't get the numbers we hoped for, so we broadened the definition of 'our industry.'" Wally says, "I'm so happy to be in the industry of 'high technology, textile workers, teen-agers, and dead people.'" Dilbert says, "I feel overpaid."
Saturday January 03,
1998
Tags #nobel prize, #garbage industry, #miss the smells, #paper plate
Transcript
Ratbert sits on a trash can and says to the garbage man, "Now that you've won the Nobel prize, I guess you'll leave the garbage industry." The garbage man says, "No." He says, "I'd miss the action. I'd miss the smells... the sights... the people..." Ratbert adds, "The rats." A woman in a bathrobe comes outside and says, "I accidentally threw out a paper plate last week. Would you look for it?" The garbage man whispers, "I'm kidding about the people part."