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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #ninja, #incapable

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Man: This can't be done. Dilbert: You aren't capable of doing it. Man: I'm not saying I'm incapable! I could do this in my sleep! Dilbert: Because it's easy. Man: What's happening here?! Dilbert: Ninja.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #incapable lying, #lies, #survival, #national enquirer, #watch, #educational, #programs

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Dilbert asks Bob the Dinosaur, "Are you saying dinosaurs are incapable of lying?" Bob replies, "Almost." Bob looks at Dawn the Dinosaur and continues, "Dawn and I taught ourselves some simple lies for survival . . . We'll show you . . ." Bob says, "I've never been tempted to read the 'National Enquirer.'" Dawn says, "I only watch the news and some educational programs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #everyone talks funny, #not morons, #incapable, #clear communication, #think outside box, #watch ego, #before ego dies, #rebel, #do it

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The Boss sits at his desk. Asok the Intern says, "I finally figured out why everyone talks so funny in this company." Asok says, "We're not morons who are incapable of clear communication. We're rebels who like to 'think outside the box.'" The Boss says, "It's always fascinating to watch and ego just before is dies." Asok says, "I'm a rebel! Task me witha 'do it'.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #blame, #deadlines, #originality, #partnership, #project milestones, #toxic moron, #incapable, #original thought, #same

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Boss: You two have failed to meet your project milestones. Dilbert: That's because you paired me with a toxic moron who is incapable of having an original thought. Coworker: That happened to me, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #behavior, #language, #Dilbert, #zimbu, #charade, #skills, #rote, #logic, #reasoning, #program, #writting, #basic, #work

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Zimbu the Monkey sits at his desk working on the computer. Dilbert says, "It's time to end this charade, Zimbu!" Dilbert continues, "Your language skills are simple rote behavior. Monkeys are incapable of logic and reasoning." Dilbert looks at the computer screen and says, "Ha! And that program you're writing -- it's probably in 'Basic.'" Zimbu asks, "Do you ever work?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #worked all night, #presentation package, #date on page, #color transparencies, #no reason to date, #clutter page, #dumb idea by boss, #no calendars, #brain exploded, #february 30th

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I worked all night but I finished the presentation package you wanted." The Boss looks at a transparency and says, "Put the presentation date on each page." Dilbert says, "Those are color transparencies. It would take hours and cost hundreds of dollars to reprint them." Dilbert continues, "There's no reason to date them. In fact, it would limit future use and clutter the page." Dilbert continues, "But since you're incapable of admitting error . . ." Dilbert bows and continues, "I eagerly await your bizarre, other-worldly explanation for putting the date on each page." The Boss says, "Some people might not have calendars and we have to make sure it's not a holiday." There is an explosion. A cloud of smoke hovers where Dilbert's head should be. Dilbert says, "Ouch. My brain exploded." The Boss says, "The first presentation is February 30th . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #realization, #angry, #useless, #meaningless, #breakdown, #screaming, #yelling, #ignoring

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The boss says, "Asok, I want to scrub the CPS database." Asok says, "No one uses that data." Asok the intern says, "But you are incapable of admitting error. So now I must dedicate my time to a thoroughly useless task." The boss thinks, "This job got easier when I stopped listening." Asok says, "It's like death, but without the glamour!"