Search Results for "final check"
Share November 03, 2013's comic on:
CEO: We only succeed when we treat each other with respect. Are you video-recording me with those Google glasses? Dilbert: Huh? CEO: You're fired for recording a confidential meeting! Pack your bags, you worthless piece of garbage! I got your final check right here! Dilbert: These are my regular glasses. Having cleared that up, you were saying something about respect? CEO: Settle down, four-eyes. This isn't over.
Share August 29, 2016's comic on:
The Self-Serving Consultant. Dogbert: I recommend firing this guy so you have more money for me. I also recommend withholding his final check until he makes all of my PowerPoint slides for me. Man: This is messed up. Dogbert: Add some recommendations so I sound smart.
Share September 21, 2011's comic on:
Alice: Your topic of conversation has failed to hold my attention. I can no longer resist the urge to check my email while you talk. You'd better not be emailing me now. Dilbert: This isn't over.
Share March 17, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert: That's my plan. Now I'd like to open the floor to your soul-crushing negativity. Jesus: You have written humanity's final chapter!" Tina: Darkness stalks us!" "I'll never know love!" Man: Anticipating it didn't help.
Share November 28, 2009's comic on:
The Boss says, "Ted, I just got the results of your security clearance background check." The Boss says, "Homeland security ordered me to beat you to death with our emergency preparedness binder." Ted says, "But?.I haven't done anything wrong!" The Boss says, "I might have said some things about your new beard."
Share June 24, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "Run this by our attorney." Dilbert: "May I vigorously hit myself with a hammer instead?" The Boss: "You have my attention." Dilbert: "Either way, it's a painful process that won't change the final result." "But the hammer is quicker and it will still make you feel as if you made me do something." The Boss: "Okay. Try the hammer thing." BAM! "Ouch!" BAM! "Ouch!" BAM! "Ouch!" "Now run it by our attorney so it feels as if I did two things."
Share January 12, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: My doctor says I have a wicked case of Pop Farr. Its when vulcans and engineers go into gear every seven years. Alice: Im pretty sure, I don't care but let me check my calendar just in case... Alice: Someone kill me! Now Now! Now! continued
Share June 30, 2011's comic on:
Carol: Check out my new smartphone! The voice receptions is a bit weak, but I can usually make a call if I keep my tongue on a flagpole. Alice: You might be a victim of good marketing. Carol: It has apps!
Share January 16, 2012's comic on:
Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.
Share June 08, 2012's comic on:
Tina: I'm collecting money for Scott's birthday present. Dilbert: Let me check my acquaintance price chart to see what he's worth. Do you have change for used gum? Tina: Do you want it in lint or bent staples?