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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #take call, #excuse me, #inconsiderate guts, #crushing head, #imagine

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Dilbert is in a meeting. His coworker's cell phone rings. The coworker says, "Excuse me while I take this call." Dilbert replies, "Okay." Just as the coworker is about the answer his phone, Dilbert says, "Excuse me while I hate your inconsiderate guts." The coworker turns away annoyed and says into his phone, "No, nothing important." Dilbert continues, "Excuse me while I imagine crushing your head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #accomodate cup, #coffe cup, #head flattened, #job interview, #monkey, #surgically flattened, #starbucks, #barista

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wally: Tell me why I should hire you as my service monkey, Carl. Carl: I worked as a starbucks barista for eight years and my head has been surgically flattened to stabilize your coffee cup. Dilbert: Impressive. Wally: This is nothing, You should see how well he interviews,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #difficult, #cooperate, #project success, #head is full, #birdseed, #pants glued, #soap carving

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Dilbert: Your department has a reputation for being difficult to work with. But I know we can cooperate to make my project a success. Man: Id love yo help but my head is full of birdseed and my pants are glued to this chair. Dilbert: I'll talk to your boss. Man: Good Luck. He's a soap carving.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bank off head, #coach, #field, #game, #glasses, #goal, #soccer, #strike, #team players

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Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ball, #bonk, #Dilbert, #head bounce, #make goal, #soccer game, #strike, #uses head bonk

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BONK Dilbert: Gee, Ive scored five goals that way. Liz: you've got a good head for this game.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #head of market research, #120k salary, #value opinions, #refrence, #honesty, #pay these days

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"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #market research, #market segment, #wild fungi, #pencil erasers, #head rubbed, #piece of paper

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"I'd like your opinion for my market research, Ratbert." "Me?!!" "I've lumped you in the market sgetment that includes wild fungi and pencil erasers." "Question one: would you enjoy having your head rubbed vigorously on a piece of paper?" "Who wouldn't?"