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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 1989's comic on:


Tags #confidence, #dog, #power, #surprise, #feelings, #bad dog, #animals

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Dilbert shows Dogbert a newspaper advertisement and says, "Imagine my surprise when I saw this ad for Doctor Dilbert's seminar on developing self-confidence. Okay, what's the scam?" Dogbert explains, "I figured this would be a good way to find a bunch of meek people to do my bidding. If they refuse, I'll yell at them and hurt their little feelings." Dogbert continues, "Then I'll leverage that power into vast wealth or maybe world domination." Dilbert says, "No! Bad doggy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #execute, #stock, #transactions, #pc, #insider, #sixty million, #slapping, #rolled, #newspaper

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Dogbert stands at a desk and works on a computer as Dilbert watches from behind. Dogbert says, "I can execute my stock transactions on-line with the PC." Dogbert stops typing and says, "There . . . My insider trading netted another sixty million dollars." Dilbert shakes his finger at Dogbert and says, "Bad dog!" Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "I suppose it's too late to try slapping him with a rolled-up newspaper."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 1990's comic on:


Tags #fur, #store, #dog, #spelling, #Dogbert, #store front, #bad, #fur sale

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Dogbert stands on the sidewalk holding a sign that says "Fur is Murder." There is a "Fur Sale" sign in the store behind him. The proprietor asks, "What's yer problem with my store, dog?" Dogbert replies, "I oppose the sale of fur." The storekeeper says, "I'm not selling fur. The whole store is 'fur sale.'" Dogbert says, "I oppose bad spelling too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #bad grammar, #common useage, #entire language, #grunting, #pointing, #ripped off, #dog obedience

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Dilbert lies on the couch reading a magazine and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "I'm going to use bad grammar more often." Dogbert continues, "My leadership will change the language through the principle of common usage." Dogbert continues, "And I won't stop until the entire language is reduced to grunting and pointing! Buwaha ha ha!!" Dilbert says, "I really got ripped off by that dog obedience school."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #insensitive, #Dogbert, #dog bashing, #born this way, #no campassion, #feel bad, #who cares?, #insensitive about insensitivity

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"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bad luck, #lottery tickets, #fabulous wealth, #delight, #hedonistic, #yesterdays date, #old, #expired, #scam, #scammer, #cheater, #rat, #dog, #animals

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"Value priced lottery tickets" Ratbert: "I am drawn by the allure of fabulous wealth and a life of hedonistic delight...one please." "This is dated yesterday." Dogbert: "Ooh, bad luck. Try again?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #captain dogbert, #good news, #bad news, #hotting town early, #actually hitting town, #crash warning, #corporate jet, #ceo, #dog, #animals

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The corporate jet flies over the mountains. From the cockpit, Dogbert says, "This is Captain Dogbert with some good news and some bad news." Dogbert continues, "The good news is that we'll be hitting town ten minutes ahead of schedule . . ." Dogbert continues, "The bad news is we'll be hitting town."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dog collar, #keep track, #employee slaves, #final humiliation, #cubicles, #gerbils, #rationalization, #mechanisms, #collar, #6 foot extension cord, #dog, #adapting, #animals

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The Boss: "Here's your employee locator device." "Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times." "We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long." "It's a dog collar...the final humiliation." "Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible." "My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in." "It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it." "It's not so bad." "It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bad person, #crud, #despicable, #loathesome, #rehearsed, #walks with dog, #unethical

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Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "I work for an unethical company. Does that make me a bad person?" Dogbert replies, "You're loathsome and despicable. If crud were shoes, you would be the crud in the crud's shoes." Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on stones in a field. Dilbert asks, "Why did that seem rehearsed?" Dogbert responds, "That's all I think about when we go for walks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #appeal, #bad person, #business ethics, #comparison shopping, #guilt, #molt, #prevents competitors, #raising prices

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Dilbert: Our products only appeal to people who aren't good at comparison shopping. But I justify it because our existence prevents competitors from raising prices. Am I a bad person? Dogbert: I molt a little bit every time you talk.