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I Would Never Ask You To Lie

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I Would Never Ask You To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #sales personnel, #lying, #sales, #ethics

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Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.

Ask The Other Director

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Ask The Other Director - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #reorganization, #logic, #managers, #solutions, #cheating

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Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #complaining

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Woman says, "This isn't what I wanted." Dilbert says, "I know." Dilbert says, "Your communication skill are so poor that I gave up trying to understand what you wanted and instead put some random numbers on a spreadsheet." Woman says, "Why didn't you just ask me to clarify?!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your listening skills need work too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #questioning, #managers & supervisors

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Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask Carol to help me schedule these meetings? Boss: Ooh... that's no good. She'd use it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing else for a week. Dilbert: Is it okay if I just stare at you in disbelief? Boss: Shouldn't you be scheduling some meetings?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #meat

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Dilbert says, "In this country, it is customary to respond to a question with somehting called an 'answer.'" Dilbert says, "Your approach is more like what I would expect to see if clothing were used as bags for meat." Dilbert says, "Now I will ask my question a seventh time..." The Boss says, "Stop saying what you're thinking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #anger, #honesty

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The Boss says, "I have a great idea! Why don't we make our product social?" Dilbert says, "Because when you start to understand a concept, it marks the beginning of its decline." Dilbert says, "On a related note, it's never a good idea to ask an engineer a question in the 'why don't we' format."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #cruelty

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The Boss says, "Alice, I need you to fill in for me while I'm on vacation." Alice says, "I can't wait to belittle my subordinates for not doing the things I only imagined telling them to do." The Boss says, "Why would you do that?" Alice says, "Why would you ask that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2011's comic on:


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Woman says, "Wally, can you review this for any engineering issues?" Wally says, "What issues do you think it has?" Woman says, "I don't know. I'm not an engineer." Wally says, "Your request is too vague. You need to tell me what issues I'm looking for!" Woman says, "Did you just ask me to do what I just asked you to do?" Wally says, "I don't know. I'm an engineer, not a linguist." Woman says, "I've suddenly lost all faith in humanity!" Wally says, "On the plus side, you found an issue."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #quarreling, #work ethic

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Wally: I can't work for a boss who doesn't trust me to work independently! Boss: Is this a preemptive strike so I won't ask why you didn't turn in a project update? Wally: And more distrust. How do you live with yourself?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #questioning

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Dilbert: Um... may I ask one... Man: Blah, blah, blah, blah... Dilbert: I'm begging you. Let me ask... Man: Blah, blah, blah, blah... Boss: You need to participate more in meetings.