Search Results for "adequate temporary basis"
Share September 01, 2014's comic on:
Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.
Share July 01, 2012's comic on:
Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.
Share September 07, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert says to a man who is working furiously at the computer, "Wow! You temporary contract programmers sure are productive!" Dilbert continues, "It must be exciting to know you can be dismissed at any moment. Your very survival depends on results!" The man works faster. Wally says to Dilbert, "Let's go blame marketing for not giving us detailed requirements." Dilbert asks, "What's the big rush?" Behind them, the temp works so fast that smoke rises from the keyboard.
Share August 02, 1995's comic on:
Ratbert sits in a chair facing a desk. Ratbert says, "I submit myself as a candidate for the position of 'temporary employee.'" Ratbert continues, "I'm VERY temporary. First I'll be in one place and then you blink and I'm gone! Blink, gone, blink, gone, blink, gone . . ." The person behind the desk says, "Stop saying 'Blink, gone.' It's making me nuts." Ratbert replies, "It appears that the balance of power has shifted my way."
Share July 15, 1996's comic on:
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "According to my sources, you've been enjoying your job, Wally." Wally replies, "It was temporary. I don't know what got into me . . ." Catbert says, "Please refer to page one of the employee manual." Wally reads the manual, "Job satisfaction is the same as stealing from the company." Catbert says, "I'll have to charge you for admission unless I start hearing some shrieks of pain."
Share February 01, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally stand in front of the coffee machine. Wally says, "The more work I do, the more I'm given." Wally continues, "It doesn't pay to be a talented and hard-working employee." Dilbert asks, "How's it pay to be YOU?" Wally replies, "Not bad on an hourly basis."
Share June 30, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the couch surrounded by pillows drinking from a can. Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch and says, "I'm putting you on a 'need to know' basis." Dogbert holds out a piece of paper and says "Here's a complete list of things I need to know. if it's not on the list, I probably don't need to hear it." Dilbert reads from the list, "Number One: 'Run for it Dogbert! The volcano is erupting!'" Dogbert says, "Plurals will also be allowed."
Share November 11, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert Alice and Wally are eating lunch. Alice says, "I heard that a stack of your papers fell over and killed a cubicle cop." Alice says, "What did you do with the body?" Wally says, "I enrolled it in the quality workshop nextdoor." Dilbert says, "It's a temporary solution." Wally says, "The workshop is only three days."
Share February 09, 1998's comic on:
The Boss leans against a desk or table and says to Dilbert, "I suggest that you deal with the issue on a going forward basis." Dilbert says, "Thanks for ruling out time travel. You're usually not that helpful." In the cafeteria, Alice, Wally and Dilbert are eating lunch. Alice says, "Are you saying he understands the concept of 'time' now?" Dilbert says, "Or he just got lucky on this one."
Share March 07, 1998's comic on:
Alice says to The Boss, "I estimated the hours it would take to do an excellent job on all the projects you've assigned." Alice says, "That would be a fifty hours a day. So I recalculated for 'adequate' results. That would be forty hours per day." Alice says, "Well, to make a long story short, let's skip down to 'complete fiduciary misconduct.'" The Boss holds his hands over his ears and says, "Blah, blah, blah, blah."