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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dollars, #inventing, #secret, #better, #classify, #send, #space, #stuff, #kill, #smoking, #drugs, #open-minded

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The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #facilitate this meeting, #speak, #begin saw display, #may not speak, #exercise, #health

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Dogbert, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I've been asked to facilitate this meeting. I alone will determine who can speak." Dogbert continues, "I'd like to begin with a raw display of my power." You may not speak." Dogbert turns to Wally and says, "Hey, Wally . . . Did you ever hear of a thing called exercise?" Wally strains to keep from speaking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ask the intern, #energency, #crawl through wall, #star trek, #spank the intern, #shut furnace

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Alice peers into Asok's cubicle and says, "Asok, come quickly! It's an emergency!" Alice and Asok stand in front of a heating duct. Alice says, "You must crawl through the Jeffries tube and shut down the furnace before it fries us all!" Asok's legs stick protrude from the heating duct. Alice holds a sign that says, "Spank the intern $0.50." Alice says to Dilbert, "Today young Asok learns that life is NOT like 'Star Trek.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #supreme ruler, #earth, #go outside, #runa round, #mouth open, #fresh air, #exercise, #hate flies, #health

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the grass. Dogbert says, "Someday when I become the supreme ruler of earth . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. Dogbert continues, "I'll order everybody to go outside once a day and run around with their mouths open." Dilbert asks, "Because you support fresh air and exercise?" Dogbert replies, "Because I hate flies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #touchy feely institute, #teamwork, #exercise, #trust, #son blank checks, #excellent quality, #other people should have, #health

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Dogbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've hired the 'Dogbert Touchy-Feely Institute' to teach use about teamwork." Dogbert says, "We'll start with an exercise about trust. I want each of you to sign blank checks and give them to me." As they all hand Dogbert checks, Dilbert asks, "What will this teach us about trust?" Dogbert replies, "It will teach you that trust is an excellent quality for other people to have."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #team building, #exercise, #solve problems, #working sundial, #pencil, #donut, #make any differnce, #health

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Dogbert says to Alice, Dilbert, the Boss and Wally, "This next exercise will challenge your ability to solve problems as a team." Dogbert says, "Build a working sundial using only a pencil and a donut." Four hours later, the Boss says with his mouth full, "One more bite isn't going to make any difference." The pencil lies next to a pile of crumbs on the table. Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 1996's comic on:


Tags #iron man team, #team building, #exercise, #ten mile swim, #parcticing, #teamwork, #doggie paddle, #health

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Wally, Dilbert and Alice stand on the beach wearing swimsuits. The Boss tells them, "The first leg of the 'Iron Man' team-building exercise is a ten-mile swim, I think." The Boss says, "I won't be participating because my teamwork skills are already excellent." The Boss thinks, "Two phrases you don't expect to hear in the same day are 'Iron Man' and 'doggie paddle.'" Someone in the water says, "Hey! No splashing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #four hour meeting, #surrogate social life, #bring chips, #wish, #had a spine

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Tina stands behind Asok's desk and says, "You're invited to a four-hour meeting, Asok." Asok looks at the agenda and says, "Tina, it would seem that all of your meetings have no purpose other than to provide you with a surrogate social life." Tina asks, "Can you bring chips?" Asok says, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1997's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #alice, #working during vacation, #remain motivated, #glass ceiling, #never break

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Asok the intern stands behind Alice, who is dressed casually and sits at her computer. Asok says, "I admire your work ethic, Alice. You're even working during your vacation." Alice grimaces and grits her teeth. Asok continues, "It must be hard to remian motivated when you know you can never break though the glass ceiling." Alice grimaces some more. Asok's body dangles from the ceiling through a mass of tiles and wiring. Alice looks up at him and says,"So, it looks like it's just tile after all."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cobol, #cobol code, #glaciers, #vast experience, #rewrite, #incharge, #dinosaur, #intern, #meteor kill

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The Boss says to Asok and Bob, "You two will be in charge of rewriting our COBOL code to fix the millenium problem." The Boss puts his arm on Asok's shoulder and says, "I realize you've never worked on COBOL before, Asok. That's why I'm teaming you with Bob, so you can learn from his vast experience." Bob and Asok sit at a computer. Asok says, "So, you recommend waiting for a meteor to kill us all." Bob says, "The glaciers are way too slow."