Search Results for "human resources"
Share February 11, 2018's comic on:
The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to wear this harazzmat suit when you meet with Tina. Tina will also be wearing a harazmatt suit. The suits will prevent you from trying to harass each other. You won't be able to speak directly. A radio inside the suit will transmit your words to our human resources department. Human resources will scrub your sentences of any inappropriate content before delivery. Dilbert: Doyon wear a harrazzmat suit when you talk to Tina privately? The Boss: No, but she wears three of them.
Share March 21, 1998's comic on:
Catbert: Evil H.R. Director: Dilbert sits in Catbert's office and waves his hands in the air as he says, "My boss is preventing me from transfering to a great job." Catbert says, "That's outrageous! There shouldn't be any great jobs at this company." Dilbert says, "Once again, you've made a bad situation worse." Catbert replies, "That's the human resources promise."
Share February 07, 1999's comic on:
Mordac bursts into Dilbert's cubicle. Mordac says, "I am Mordac. the preventor of information services!" Mordac says, "I'll take your computer and your little PDA too!" Dilbert hugs his monitor. Mordac says, "Do you recognize this?" Mordac holds up a wire. Dilbert says, "Aaaagh! That's my network cable!" Dilbert says, "What do you want from me?!" Catbert leans over the cubicle wall. Catbert says, "Mordac, it is I catbert, the evil director of human resources!" Catbert jumps down onto Mordac. Catbert says, "You made my personal printer a shared device!" Dilbert watches a clothing flies. Dilbert is at home and says, to Dogbert, "Two wrongs made a right." Dogbert says, "Welcome to my reality."
Share July 10, 2004's comic on:
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: We're planning a goodbye party for downsizes. Im making T-shirts so its easy to tell who the special guest are. Dilbert: I got the last of the cake. Im special.
Share August 27, 2004's comic on:
"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."
Share November 27, 2004's comic on:
"Wally, did you complain to human resources about my off-color e-mail joke?" "Yes. I was psycologically damaged by your mirth. Now I'm an empty shell of a man." "You've ALWAYS been an empty shell of a man!!!" "This is making me hungry."
Share January 01, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."
Share December 06, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Ed, you seem disgruntled." "You need 30 minutes in the Employee Rationalizer." "I...I...don't mind bad management because...the commute is easy." "Better."
Share December 19, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "The downsizing will be handled in the most humane way I could think of." "I hired a giant dung beetle to roll the poor performers into a ball and out the door." "I can't get the marketing ones to stick. They keep sliding off."
Share August 06, 2008's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Our concern for wellness is related to your job performance." Catbert says, "Obviously you won't be getting an ergonomically correct chair any time soon." Catbert says, "And feel free to type as hard as you want."