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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #abandon logic, #manage cliches, #one bird, #always right handed, #actually inprovement

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I've decided to abandon logic and manage by cliches." The Boss continues, "It won't be easy, but I'll take it one bird at a time." The Boss continues, "And remember, the customer is always right-handed." Dilbert says, "This is actually an improvement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #folded arms, #important one, #physically impossible, #third project, #finish both products

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Dilbert stands at the Boss's desk and says, "It is physically impossible for me to finish both of my projects on time. Which one is more important?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . If I absolutely HAD to choose between them, I'd say . . . Do them both on time." Dilbert says, "Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking." The Boss says, "What you need is a third project."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #bearer bad news, #wally fired, #videos, #stealing stuff, #one percent raise

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Dogbert says, "Wally, your boss asked me to tell you . . ." Dogbert shouts, "You're fired!!! And they have secret videos of you stealing stuff!!!" Wally looks shocked and his tie stands up straight. Wally covers his eyes and says, "This can't be true." Dogbert replies, "It's not. But watch how happy you are when I tell you about your one percent raise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #famous person, #sandra bullock, #kevin spacey, #eats bacon, #kevin who eats bacon, #one degree away, #close to fascinating

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Dilbert sits at his PC. Ratbert says, "Give me the name of any famous person." Dilbert says, "Sandra Bullock." Ratbert puts his hands to his temples, closes his eyes and thinks. He says, "Sandra Bullock was in a movie with Kevin Spacey... and Kevin Spacey eats bacon." Ratbert says, "See that? Everyone on Earth is only one degree from someone named Kevin who eats bacon!" Dilbert says, "That is SO close to being fascinating."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #pager, #vibrate, #yeehaaa, #no one paged, #vibrating body

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Dogbert straps a pager to Ratbert's back. "Ratbert, I want you to wear this pager at all times. I'll set it to vibrate." Ratbert screams and vibrates. Dogbert says, "No one has actually paged you yet." Ratbert lies on his back on the floor and says, "It gets better?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1997's comic on:


Tags #new fog, #rolling in, #mean one thing, #time to reorganize

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A cloud moves towards Alice and she says, "A new fog is rolling in." Dilbert sits at his computer, his head obscured by fog. "This can mean only one thing." The Boss walks up to Carol, fog pouring from his ears and says, "Carol, schedule a staff meeting. It's time to reorganize the department."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #lower opinion, #time bombs, #ruin magic, #kill me, #one kiss, #no tongue

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Dilbert and his date go for a walk, holding hands. She says, "Sooner or later you'll say something that will lower my opinion of you." Dilbert grunts. She says, "Men are like bombs. At any moment you'll say something that will ruin the magic." Dilbert slips and says, "I'm an engineer." She screams, "Aaaaargh! Kill me! Kill me!" He says, "I'll give you one kiss. No tongue."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr diretor, #personal lives, #strict dress code, #homes, #one less decision, #make every day

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At the staff meeting, Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "your personal lives reflect on this company." Catbert continues, "From now on, a strict dress code will be enforced in your homes." At home Dilbert says to Dogbert, "On the plus side, it's one less decision I have to make every day." He's wearing a coon skin cap, suspenders, a tu-tu and knee-high boots.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 1998's comic on:


Tags #call back, #one hour, #time zone

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Dilbert is walking by the Boss's office. He hears the Boss say, "I'll call you back in one hour, Irene." The Boss says, "You're in a different time zone, so you'll get the call in... um... three hours." Dilbert stops to listen. The Boss's eyes bug out in confusion and he says, "Really? You're three hours ahead? Then that means... whoa!.. you're freaking me out here!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #request denied, #information servvces, #non standard computers, #replacement, #discard the old one, #trash declined, #no computers

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Man tells Wally, "Request denied. The information services department does not upgrade non-standard computers." Wally says, "It's not an upgrade. It's a replacement." Man says, "Our policy is that it's an upgrade unless you discard the old one." Trash man tells Wally, "Your trash is declined. Our policy is 'no computers'."