Search Results for "rumor"

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Company Policy About Dating

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Company Policy About Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dating, #relationships, #office romance, #policy, #legal issues, #human resources

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Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.

Dilbert Cheats On His Work Wife

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Dilbert Cheats On His Work Wife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work, #wife, #wives, #adultery, #cheating, #criticism, #nagging, #anger, #marriage, #roles

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Alice: There' s rumor that you're cheating on me with another "work wife." Dilbert: I let Tina criticize me a little. But I swear it didn't mean anything. And... she makes me look for her lost keys. Alice: I knew it!

Wally's Useless Nonsense

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Wally's Useless Nonsense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #strategy

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Catbert: There's a rumor that you use a chatbot to reply to email with useless nonsense. Wally: You can't prove that because I've always answered my email with useless nonsense. Catbert: That was disturbingly well-played. Wally: It's all about creating the base case.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #time, #time management

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Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

Faking Their Own Deaths

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Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #distraction, #subversion, #alias, #espionage, #hiding, #productivity

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Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!

Cyborg Rumors

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Cyborg Rumors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cyborg, #robot, #employees, #replacement, #deception

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Dilbert: There's a rumor that you plan to replace all normal employees with cyborgs that have microchips in their brains. Boss: There is no truth to the rumor that I plan to replace defective employees with highly capable, enhanced humanoids. Dilbert: I can't tell if you're lying. Boss: That's actually the best argument for keeping you around.

Dilbert Might Be Colluding

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Dilbert Might Be Colluding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #collusion, #trump, #russia, #rumor, #conjecture

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CEO: People tell me Dilbert's project is in chaos. Why is that? Boss: Maybe he's been colluding with our Elbonian competitors. But that's just a guess. CEO: I can't unhear that.

No Path To Success

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No Path To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2017's comic on:


Tags #collusion, #russia, #donald trump, #blame, #accusation, #public opinion

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Alice: I hear you're a corporate spy for our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, that was an unfounded rumor. Alice: That's exactly what guilty people say. Dilbert: I'm not seeing my path to success here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #greed, #scavenging, #cannibal, #furniture, #energy, #vibes

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Alice: My chair is broken. I need a new one. Boss: You can take Ted's chair. I fired him this morning. Alice: That feels icky. Boss: It's just a chair. Alice: Ted was a creepy underperformer. I don't want his loser energy on me. Boss: That's your only option unless I fire someone else today. Alice: Okay, give me an hour to do some back-stabbing and rumor-mongering. Boss: I'll just let that situation work itself out. Alice: Nice chair. Dilbert: Why did my fight-or-flight instinct just kick in?

Everyone Says Dilbert Lied

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Everyone Says Dilbert Lied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #rumor, #accusation, #conclusions

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Man: Everyone says you moved the server rack and lied about it. Dilbert: Everyone is wrong. It didn't happen. Man: Oh, so it's your word against literally "everyone?" Is that what you're saying? I'll go with the majority on this, thank you very much. Dilbert: I want to like people, but they don't make it easy.