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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #third person, #refer, #emphasize, #brand of greatness, #ruining, #good idea

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Dogbert dressed in a crown and sceptar says, to Bob, "Bob, from now on, I will refer to myself in the third person." Dogbert says, "Dogbert does this to emphasize his special brand of greatness." Bob says, "Bob thinks that is a good idea." Dogbert says, "Hey! You're ruining it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1999's comic on:


Tags #immense ego, #seems normal, #decided, #doctor, #determine lives, #dies, #die from ulcer, #enjoy challenge

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Dogbert dressed in a crown and sceptar stands by Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I need a job where my immense ego seems normal." Dogbert says, "I've decided to be a doctor. I will determine who lives and who dies!" Dogbert is in a doctor's office. He still wears the crown and has a stethoscope around his neck. A man in boxer shorts says, "What? I can't die from an ulcer!" Dogbert says, "Maybe not, but I enjoy the challenge."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1999's comic on:


Tags #doctor dogbert, #herbal therapy, #eat lawn, #storm gutters, #hair grow back, #perscription

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Caption: "Doctor Dogbert" Dogbert wears a crown and stethoscope. A bald man in black socks and boxers sits on the examining table. Dogbert says, "I'm putting you on extreme herbal therapy." Dogbert writes a prescription and says, "Come to my house once a week and eat my lawn down to one inch." The man gets dressed. Dogbert says, "After six months, if your hair doesn't grow back, I have more herbs in my storm gutters."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss can't understand hire, #rodeo clown, #engineer, #smells like hay, #fifty percent, #data network engineer

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A man in a dirty shirt says, to the boss, "Mwa fwa fwa ooh mah fuh." The boss says, "I can't understands a word you say." The boss says, "And your poorly dressed. You must be some sort of technology expert. Or a rodeo clown." The boss introduces dirty guy to Alice. The boss says, "There's a fifty percent chance I hired a data network engineer." Alice says, "I smell hay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #astrologer, #plotting, #rip off, #astrologer charging, #plotting rip off, #hourly billing, #prefer to call

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The boss sits in meeting next to Dogbert who is dressed in a turban. The boss says, "My atrologer tells me that someone here is plotting to rip me off." Asok says, "How much is your atrologer charging you?" The boss says, "Are you plotting to rip me off?" Dogbert says, "I prefer to call it hourly billing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #completes portion, #project, #well engineered, #squadron, #idiots, #ruin, #marketing, #napping, #use ears, #coasters

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Dilbert types at his computer and thinks, "This completes my portion of the project." Dilbert thinks, "This project is so well-engineered it would take a squadron of idiots to ruin it." Caption: "Meanwhile in Marketing" A stupid looking man dressed very sloppily says, "And when I'm napping, it is NOT okay to use my ears as coasters."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2000's comic on:


Tags #network server, #certifed, #power of certifciation, #embarrassing, #c for certified, #superman tech, #class, #forgets

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Dilbert stands in front of a computer typing. A man dressed as a superhero with a 'C' on his chest says, "Step away from that network server! I'm certified!" The man sits in front of the computer, raises his arms and calls, "I summon the vast power of certification!!!" The man looks at the computer and says, "Well, this is embarassing; that's all I remember from the classes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cloning the boss, #problem with clone, #dna module, #one half horse

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Headline: Cloning The Boss. Dilbert is dressed as a doctor, The Boss is lying on an operation bed. Dilbert says, "There's a problem with your clone." Dilbert continues, "Wally spilled soda on the DNA module. Your clone is one- half horse posterior." Dilbert continues, "And one-half that isn't like you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2001's comic on:


Tags #psychological profile, #start monday, #employee handbook, #weekend, #gentle biker, #psycho hillbilly

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Catbert is sitting on his desk. He says, "Your psychological profile test results are excellent. Can you start Monday?" A hairy, half dressed man carrying a knife replies, "Monday is fine. I'll read the employee handbook over the weekend." The hairy man says to Dilbert and Alice, "The 'gentle biker' look is overdone. I'm going for 'psycho hillbilly.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #at party, #camera advice, #engineer, #physical, #wally dressed as engineer

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Dilbert is talking to a woman at a party. The woman says, "You're an engineer, maybe you can tell me what kind of digital camera I should buy." Dilbert responds, "Would you ask a doctor for free advice?" The woman says, "I got a complete physical by the appetizer." Wally approaches them in a doctor's uniform and says, "Yeah, I'm never off duty."