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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #make changes, #no credibility, #idiots, #phone call, #boss offcie

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Dilbert: "I told Matthew that there was no way we could make those changes." "Ring." The Boss: "Hi, Matthew!... Yes, of course we can make those changes; we're not idiots! Ha ha!!" Dilbert: "He says you have no credibility."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2004's comic on:


Tags #menagerlike work, #criticize, #reorganize, #key board, #hot slef, #noredom, #offcie, #re organizing

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The Boss: It's been a few hours since I've done anything managerish. I could criticize someone...nah. I could have a meeting...nah. Im reorganizing the department. Dilbert: excuse me while i beat myself with my keyboard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #pantless prima donna, #alert patent offcie, #hardware, #computer

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"Pantless prima donna" "May I ask you a question?" "Silence, fool!" "Alert the patent office that I am about to begin. They might want to increase staff." "Maybe you should turn on your computer." "I don't do hardware."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2005's comic on:


Tags #doctors offcie, #exam room, #toxikill, #drug comapny, #totally hot, #side effects, #what eaten, #doctor, #thinking of date, #drug rep, #hot, #payoff, #kick back

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Doctor: You're healthy but I have to give you a prescription for tocikill. The drug company's rep is totally hot and said she'd take me to lunch if I sell enough of this stuff." Dilbert: Will there be any side effects?" " Doctor: Depends on what I eat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #addicted to internet, #doctor, #interesting, #internet, #medicine, #offcie, #pill, #underlying probelm

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Dilbert: I'm addicted to the internet because it's more interesting than people. Is there a pill you can give to everyone else to make them more interesting? Doctors never want to treat the underlying problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #genius, #scheduled, #four oclock, #judeg, #accomplishments, #offcie, #taught better

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The Boss says, "Wally, where do you think you're going?" The Boss says, "It's only four o'clock." Wally says, "What a strange thing to say. Did anyone care how many hours a week Beethoven worked?" Wally says, Genius can't be scheduled." Wally says, "Judge my by my accomplishments, not the number of hours I spend at the office." The Boss says, "Okay, fine. What did you accomplish today?" Wally says, "I just taught you how to be a better manager." Wally says, "What? Did you think it was going to happen on its own?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish

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Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #typo in budget, #2 things, #can't buy, #hardware, #software, #boss, #offcie

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The Boss: "I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2007's comic on:


Tags #borrow pen, #need pen, #order pen, #order pens, #parasitic arrangement, #supplies, #stingy, #selfish, #dysfunctional offcie, #office supplies, #fill out form

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Dilbert: "Can I order some pens?" Carol: "No, it's impossible." "You need a pen to fill out the pen request form. And if you have a pen, you're not allowed to order one." Dilbert: "Maybe I could borrow your pen." Carol: "That sounds like some sort of parasitic arrangement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #coffe pot, #coffee stand, #offcie, #yell, #order coffee, #quality of life, #taste better

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Carol: "Don't you dare take another cup of coffee." "The more you drink, the more often I have to order coffee. You are destroying my quality of life!" "Gaaa!!!" Wally: "If this doesn't make the coffee taste better, I don't know what will."