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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #internet & world wide web, #pride, #google, #smart, #pure energy, #life form, #gmail

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Boss; I hired an engineer from Google. He's so smart that he evolved into a life-form that exists as pure energy. Engineer: Bow before my greatness, you pitiful humans! Boss: Sometimes he's a bit arrogant. Engineer: I once added a feature to gmail!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #gods, #language, #elbonian language, #bixtappa, #deity, #mud adder, #strangle

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Boss: We discovered that our product name is an insult in the Elbonian language. So I hired an Elbonian to review our new choices. Elbonian: Gaaa!!! You have offended Bixtappa, the deity of unseasonably warm weather and twice-baked potatoes. Our tradition says I must now strangle you with a mud adder. Luckily, I brought one. Dilbert: Do Elbonians have a lot of deities? Elbonian: No, just the one. Dilbert: He seems easily offended. Elbonian: Grab the head and yank!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #illness, #stress, #culture of consulting fiorms, #flat linig, #false larm, #graphs

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Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #efficiency experts, #wide transformation, #compettetive, #solutions, #pay the most, #consultants, #recommendations

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Boss: Our consultant has recommended a company-wide transformation to make us more competitive. Dilbert: Is it a coincidence that consultants always recommend solutions that pay their firms the most? Boss: How would I know? Dogbert: I'll look into that for you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #efficiency experts, #Advice, #consultatn, #cms, #same advice, #pay to leave

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Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #engineers, #project inherited, #weak code, #rewrite, #great job, #hired idiot

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Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employee fringe benefits, #google, #free bus service, #telecommuniting

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Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #company culture, #culture, #hiring, #incompetence, #work culture, #good fit, #stigma, #cultural hires, #wishes, #rise above

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Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.

Dogbert The Third Ceo

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Dogbert The Third Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business tactics, #ceos, #executives, #co ceo, #third ceo, #tiebreaker, #fired, #disagreement, #new guy

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CEO: I hired a co-CEO, but it isn't working because we disagree on everything. We want to hire you as our third CEO so we always have a tiebreaker. Dogbert: I accept. The new guy and I have decided to fire you and split the CEO spot two ways.

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

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Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dolphin, #exotic pets, #hit man, #murder, #murder for hire, #russian military, #killed clown, #dead bodies, #disposal, #expert

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CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.