Search Results for "dilbert's mental health"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #mental health, #creative, #adhd, #dyslexia, #bipolar, #schizophrenia, #creativity, #normal is boring, #turning tables, #job interview

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Boss: I'm looking for an employee who is creative. Interviewee: That's me. I have ADHD and dylsexia. I'm also bipolar and schizophrenic. Dilbert: Checking the Internet... Well... that's surprising. Each of his conditions is highly correlated with creativity. Interviewee: Are you a normal? Boss: I... think so. Interviewee: Wow. I feel sorry for you. It must be hard going through life without any creativity. Boss: What's happening here? Dilbert: It might be some sort of creative thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #executives, #mental health, #psychopaths, #grandiose sense, #self worth, #kill for asking

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Executive Coaching Dogbert; Research shows that CEOs are more likely to be psychopaths. Obviously, being a psychopath works. Don't let anyone tell you different. How's your grandiose sense of self-worth? CEO: It's the best. I should kill you for asking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #bad treatment, #dating, #honesty, #low self esteem, #mental health, #mixed signals, #therapist, #relationships, #psychology

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Woman: My therapist says I have low self-esteem. Dilbert: I like where this is heading. Woman: I'm drawn to guys who treat me poorly. Dilbert: You sound crazy. Woman: Jerk. Dilbert: In my defense, you send mixed signals.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #mental health, #work ethic, #bad attitude, #70 hr. wk.week, #hire insane, #whistle, #happy tune

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Boss: You have a bad attitude lately. Alice: You made me work 70 hours this week. If you want people who work for free and are happy about it, hire the insane. Boss: I tried that, but I got the wrong kind. Alice: I'll whistle a happy tune if you go away.

Asok Asks For His Job Back

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Asok Asks For His Job Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #driver, #money, #taxi, #ride share, #rideshare, #disillusionment

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Asok: I'm here to beg for my job back. Driving for Uber was less glamorous than I'd hoped. My mental health and my bladder have been stretched to their limits. Boss: Maybe we could discuss this over a tiled floor area.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 1995's comic on:


Tags #spare cubicles, #convicts, #bigot, #little mistake, #health plan better

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Dogbert stands in Dilbert's cubicle wearing a hard hat and reading some construction plans. Dilbert says, "I don't think it's fair to put convicts in our spare cubicles." Dogbert says, "Don't be such a bigot. These people have made one little mistake. Otherwise, they're just like employees." Dilbert says, "I think there are a few differences!" Dogbert responds, "Yeah, their health plan is better."

Health Sensor Predictes Death

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Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death, #medical

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Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan

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Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #robots, #invention, #health, #big business, #corporation, #nanobot

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CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.

Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues

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Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #future, #death, #prediction, #health, #reaction, #medical

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Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.

Watch That Monitors Health

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Watch That Monitors Health - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #health, #wearable tech, #fitbit, #fitness, #monitor, #surveillance

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Boss: Our new product is a watch that monitors every aspect of your health. Wearing the watch is mandatory for all employees. Your data will automatically stream to our cloud storage. Voice: Because you care about our health? Boss: Sure. We'll go with that.