Dilbert.com by Scott Adams

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #headphones, #borrow, #ears, #reluctant, #smell forever

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Wally: May I borrow your headphones while you're at lunch? Dilbert: would they touch your ears? WALLY: Yes. Dilbert:I reject your request. I don't want cooties on my headphones. Dilbert: Plus, you never return anything you borrow. Wally: Why would you care if my ears touch something you will neve see again? Lets meet halfway. I'll return the headphones, but they will smell of me forever. Dilbert: Then you might as well just keep them! It doesnt feel like he met me halfway.

How to Make Your Opponents Try (and fail) to Prove a Negative

Sometimes you can prove an alleged event did happen, but you generally can’t prove something did not happen. For example, if police have clear video footage of a crime in progress, several direct witnesses, and DNA evidence too, you can say they proved the defendant did the crime. But if your neighbor says an angel visited him in his bedroom at night, and there were no witnesses or physical traces left behind, you can’t prove it didn’t happen. All you can say for sure is that you don’t have any evidence of it happening.


So if you want to drive a political opponent crazy, allege that he or she did something evil, provide no direct evidence, and force them to do the impossible: Prove it didn’t

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Bad Analogies

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Bad Analogies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #ideas, #criticism, #critique, #simile, #language

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Man: Your idea is awful. Dilbert: Can you explain your reasons without using an absurd analogy? Man: It's like a pregnant squirrel eating a sandwich. Dilbert: I'll take that as a no.

Directionally Accurate

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Directionally Accurate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #projections, #budget, #finance, #math, #excuse, #compliment, #accuracy

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Boss: Are you confident in your financial projections? Wally: They're directionally accurate. Boss: Your columns don't even add up. Wally: Why is it so hard for you to give a compliment?